Principle 40: Forgiveness Means Letting Go

But only if the person who wronged you is repentant

I recently saw an online discussion here where people said saying “I”m sorry” is better than saying “I apologize.” I don’t know, maybe it’s too formal or something, it didn’t reach me, but it clearly did with others who chimed in with firm agreement. Perhaps it’s a generational thing such as when “you’re welcome” turned into “no problem” and confused all the Baby Boomers.

What I am talking about is how forgiveness is supposed to be given to someone who is truly, uh, sorry, uh maybe repentant is the best word to use. “Expressing sincere regret or remorse,” is what “repentant” means. You know it when you see it. Someone snapping gum and saying, “yeah, sorry,” is not it.

So you forgive someone who truly is expressing regret, and that’s the way it should be. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened, for it did happen, but you understand why it happened, you feel confident the person learned a lesson, you feel it unlikely to happen again.

Not forgetting is not the same as hanging onto the forgiveness. If you never get to move beyond this moment, you are stuck. Stuck at the forgiveness stage:

What does this mean? Remember, it doesn’t mean forgetting. What it does mean is moving beyond the anger you felt, the resentment that bubbled up inside you. Maybe even a feeling that you deserved revenge. If you feel any of those things, guess what? You are stuck at the forgiveness stage. You are not really forgiving. Not yet.

If you can’t forget, what can you do? You can make a decision to let go of the chains, those chains of anger and resentment. Unhook yourself from those chains, get up, dust yourself off, start walking forward in life again.

It’s healthier for you. It’s healthier for the person who did you wrong. It’s healthier for society.

It’s about making a conscious decision to release the negative emotions and focus on healing. Time to let go of those chains.