Principle 11: Before You Act, Imagine How It Would Feel to You
A way to encourage your empathic response
Principle 10 talked about empathy,:
but what if you don’t naturally have a lot of empathy? After all, we each have different childhood experiences, and for some of us it became a dog-eat-dog kind of family life. Not much empathy gets built up when all you are trying to do is survive your childhood!
Don’t worry, you can learn empathy.
Try this: When you are feeling angry at your mate, before you say what you planned to say, and which felt so self-righteously correct to say, stop!
First put yourself in your mate’s shoes. If they heard what you are about to say, how would they feel? Well, how would you feel if someone said it to you?
“How dare they!” you would think.
Exactly.
I can recall several times in my life when I was about to say something to my wife when I employed this trick. And each time I was embarrassed to realize that the reasoning in my mind sounded completely different when I imagined my wife hearing it.
Our minds are very, very good as self-justification. Why, you are never in the wrong! This is how villains in stories are, always self-justifying their ways into bad acts.
Don’t let your mind fool you this way. Put yourself in the other person’s position. Think how you would feel if you heard what you were about to say.
This is useful:
In a marriage or on a date
At work
At school
At a store
At the Motor Vehicle Department
Any time you are dealing with another person, you can use this trick. And you know what you are building up inside you when you do this?
Empathy.
You got this!
Empathy is everything! Great post!
Good advice here Nick. Could have saved me some pain if I applied this earlier in my marriage.